Goooooood morning, world wide web.
This one goes out to all the ladies out there struggling but continuing onward and up no matter what because what is the other option? (Email me if you have figured out the other option, though)
Men are welcome to come along for the read but you may find that you see some behaviors you exhibit mentioned. If that’s the case, please go to therapy.
It’s Tuesday morning and I am about to get these thoughts out of my brain and hopefully into yours. It’s about ninety degrees outside and only nine in the morning, which pairs really well with the torrential downpours of rain over the past few days. To say it’s humid outside is an understatement. But, the weather and small talk is not why I’ve gathered you here today.
I’ve looked on Pinterest, as one does, and I’ve found a lot of writing prompts. Some good, some bad. Just like with everything in life. I created a new board that I started quickly collecting writing prompts in, naturally.
The exact prompt I chose was to tell a dating horror story, but instead of just telling you one story, I thought, why not showcase my experience as I think it.
Let me give you a quick little summary of myself and my dating history.
I am 32, as of May 10, 2026. So I JUST turned 32. Lets get that straight right out of the gate.
I am not old. *I whisper quietly to myself with tears in my eyes*
I am female, and my credentials on this topic are that I’ve dated (and even married!) men and been subjected to their behaviors and patterns for enough time to clock some of them.
Anyway.. Let’s just start with the ramble.
The problem with manipulative people in general, man or woman, is that they are just that.
Manipulative.
They may start off by lying about small things to see what they can get away with, and where you will draw the line.
How far can they push you before you push back?
Where do you draw your line in the sands of self respect?
That’s what they want to know.
The manipulation, lies, isolation, and control escalate slow enough that you may not realize that is what is happening until you’re right in the middle of a bad or scary situation, alone because they have isolated you from your friends and family.
I’ve met men that can’t (or don’t) hold in their crazy and you find out really quickly what you’re working with.
Sometimes in relationships you may not see the signs that are right in front of you because when you address the problem, they brush it off. Another behavioral pattern to watch out for is they will have an excuse that kinda makes sense and they have it so quickly so it must not be a lie. Right? Right?
So, you let it go.
That’s how it begins. You make an excuse in your head.
“Well, he has had a really hard day”
Do you want to know what I’ve realized in my time here on earth?
I’ve realized that even on the days where I am having my worst day imaginable that I have not taken that frustration out on someone else.
My friends and partners are not emotional punching bags for my misdirected anger.
This is a lesson lot’s of women I know have learned later in life.
They may have had an angry male figure in their life growing up, so this behavior is “normal” to them because it’s a learned behavior pattern from childhood.
“Boys will be boys”
“That’s just how men are”
The indoctrination and programming of this belief that men and boys can’t control themselves started in childhood for myself, and most every girl I was in school with. Elementary school, to be specific. To learn to Tip toe around certain emotions or topics with men and boys because they “won’t handle it well” as if women and girls are not subjected to the exact same things the boys and men are, with the addition of things that the men and boys are not subjected to.
The obvious first example of things women experience that men don’t is getting your period, duh. I was eleven when I got mine for the first time. My cousins who are fairly younger than I am started at an earlier age than I did. It’s part of being a girl and growing into your body. The point I really want to drive home with this take is that you are very much so still a child.
What did you do for fun when you were eleven years old?
A fantastic, and sad example of the aforementioned programming is when you are a little girl you are told about strangers, and how they are dangerous. Just like every little kid is. The difference is you are told as a little girl that that dangerous stranger is probably going to be a man. (Yes, I know women can also be predators and am not denying that truth)
Slightly deeper into the subject of “strangers” is a potentially far more sinister option. Family friends.
Think about being a little girl for a moment.
Now, how many times were you told by a family member to “cover up” because a certain person or people were coming over?
Let me reiterate that you are imagining yourself as a little girl.
“Go put on a coverup over your swimsuit”
“Put on longer shorts”
Why should I, a child, put on longer shorts?
That’s one of the many ways as a young girl that you learn that older men can be dangerous, so you should cover up to keep yourself safe. Are we all reading the same thing? A little girl should be more in control of her emotions and surroundings than an adult man. Just in case the adult man “can’t help themselves“
Every woman knows the sentences.
“They can’t help themselves”
“That’s just how men are wired”
I want to believe that it isn’t true that all men are “wired” that way, or that they “can’t control themselves”
It is in fact true to say, though, that enough men have bad intentions, or haven’t controlled themselves before that now all young girls get the same safety speech.
Now let’s pivot back from the female experience to how mens emotional ineptitude hurts everyone..
A good example of not having misdirected anger would be how it’s never crossed my mind to get drunk and yell at my friends or partner over anything. One reason for that might be because I don’t drink very often but, I think the main reason is because I am not an angry person. I speak my feelings as I feel them and don’t keep things bottled up. I, personally, think talking about your emotions maturely is one of the most attractive things a man, or anyone for that matter, can do. To be emotionally vulnerable is a sign of strength.
Sadly, men don’t like to talk about their feelings. I’ve heard (from men) that it isn’t socially accepted for them to talk about their feelings.
However, holding all of their emotions in makes them become bitter, angry, and in some cases violent.
As a member of society, I do accept men talking about their emotions. Especially if the outcome of them not talking about their emotions leads to physical violence against anyone.
Familicide is perpetrated by the man 91-95% of the time with women contributing 5%. (here is the link if you don’t believe me)
A quick TLDR definition on what Familicide is:
It’s when someone kills their entire (usually nuclear or immediate family members) and sometimes they kill themselves.
In some cases though, like The Chris Watts case, they do not kill themselves. He is what is defined as a Family Annihilator.
I do believe I’m going to wrap this rage up and go on with my day now.
Below are some links that both are and are not included throughout the article but are relevant to the topics discussed.
Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse
Mayo Clinic: Stress Effects On the Body
American Psych Institute: Stress on the body
Family Annihilators: The Psychological Profiles of Murderous Fathers
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